Monday, 9 October 2017


You guessed it, it's venting time again. On this blog, I have written about how being gay doesn't mean that you should like shopping, or pink, or fit any other stereotype. I have also talked about how it is okay if you're gay and you do fit stereotypes, about how there's nothing wrong with that. I have discussed the negative discrimination, the prejudice, the bad and the ugly. But lately, there's been another side of things that I've noticed, but not really talked about, and I really wanted to talk about it. People using their sexuality as some kind of wildcard for stupidity.

I’ll start by framing this post. a few weeks ago, a Belgian media outlet that shall not further be named posed a rather questionable video. Basically, it had something to do with people getting 10 minutes to 'find a gay' during a festival. Completely bonkers. When people started calling them out on their bullshit, the platform reacted with some kind of disclaimer, saying that the video was well meant, and even more important, that it was a gay man who coined the idea behind the video. It was as if they were saying 'Ah! But the video was made by a gay male individual, thus it could not possibly be homophobic or disrespectful!' 
Newsflash: it can. Gay people can be homophobic, disrespectful and stupid. Femme shaming, for example, is a perfect example of homophobia in the gay community. Another example of gay people using their sexuality as an excuse to kinda just do whatever they want, is when it comes to touching women. This happens a lot, especially in  going out/clubbing situations, but I can’t tell you enough: it’s only okay to grab/touch/… women if you have their consent, if you have some kind of understanding that what you are doing is fine by the two of you. It’s not because touching boobs does not give you a boner that it can’t be really uncomfortable for the girl you’re grabbing. Mutual consent is still important, your sexuality does not change that.

Let me set things straight: being gay means nothing else but that you're a man who loves men, or a woman who loves women. Like I said in a previous post: being gay doesn't come with a starter pack. You don't come out and get an instant love for musicals or CĂ©line Dion or tiny dogs (that love has always been there for me). You also don't get a crash course on gay history or culture, none of that. You have to find all of that out for yourself, along the way, as you grow up. With the help of others, of course, or the internet, or whatever floats your boat. 'Being gay' is not some kind of magical force field that absolves you from being problematic, or even just plain stupid. Also important: it's not because you are a gay man that you can speak for the entire community. One individual can never speak for the entirety of a group of people that large. Just because one gay editor on your team says something is 'okay' or 'funny' does not mean that every other gay man out there will say the same. It also does not mean that your gay editor should be free from criticism. It just means that your editor has a strange kind of humour. Of course people can have different points of view, but if your point of view is offensive, rude or denigrating to a group of people, you can expect some kind of backlash.

Your sexuality is your sexuality, and while I believe it has an impact on who you are as a person, I don’t believe you should be throwing it around as an excuse to do stupid things. You don’t want people to be prejudiced towards you because of who you love, but that also means that you can’t take advantage of the “I’m gay” card when you’re looking for a cheap excuse. The only valid situation in which you can use that card, is when you’re caught in bed with another man. Easy enough? 

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